Figuring it Out

I thought by now I would have it all together.

As a young man, I’ve felt an immense amount of pressure to become this ultra-successful, passionate, mission-driven, has-everything-going-for-him, walking green flag, ripped, superhero of a man. I always thought stepping out of college I would be that guy—absolutely crushing it.

I know I’m not the only one who feels the pressure to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, trying to make sense of life. Since graduating, I’ve been all over and had multiple jobs. Each one has taught me a lot. I can’t say everyone would agree with the steps and decisions I’ve taken moving from place to place, but I can say that I’ve been following the Lord through it all—and that’s what matters most in my eyes.

Still, I fight the embarrassment of my current situation defining me. As men, that’s always the first question: “So what do you do?”

My answer lately has been, “I’m figuring it out.” Partly because of embarrassment, and partly because it’s just too complicated to explain. They wouldn’t understand, I tell myself.

But here’s the truth: I am figuring it out. Aren’t we all?

I’m confident in who I am—with or without the job, the business, the girl, the house, whatever it may be. But waking up without a clear direction in life is a kind of pain that’s hard to describe. We’ve all had those days where we sit and ask ourselves, “What am I doing?”

For a while I told myself I just needed one of three things:
Where do I want to live?
What do I want to do?
Or a strong community of people to do life with.

Well, here I am, and I still don’t fully have any of them.

So what am I supposed to do? Lay in bed and wallow? Play the victim? Complain that I don’t have the overnight success social media makes us believe is possible?

All of that is temporary. And if I’ve learned one thing through the struggles I’ve faced—even when I don’t want to admit it—it’s this: God has me right where He wants me. He makes no mistakes, and He’s teaching me something through the unknown and confusion I feel like I face every day.

At that point, we have a choice.

My answer is simple: show up and shut up.

Get up and do the things you said you would do. Honor your word. Do what needs to be done. Yes, plan for the future. Yes, it’s stressful. But so is doing nothing.

David was faithful to the Lord. He was anointed, yet he didn’t become king until nearly fifteen years later. He had no idea when the Lord would call him into the role prepared for him—but he still showed up.

My hope is that this encourages someone. Even writing this has given me a little more peace in the middle of the uncertainty I’m facing.

Maybe the season of “figuring it out” is exactly where God does His best work.